Beating Heart

Beating Heart

When I was younger, I had this first love. I might say that he was my “one that got away”.  

I had this unexplainable feeling that I can really sense hin when he is near. I loved him that much that even my heart responds to him. My heart beats like a very nervous child but with a cheerful smile knowing that he is almost near me. It’s much more than a butterfly in your belly. 

How I miss that feeling. When the heart speaks up to me. It beats irrationally to the one I love. I hope it beats soon so that I can meet the one for me. 

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You! 

You! 

Why are you like that?

Why am I always wrong in your eyes?

Why do you always pick on me?

I’m hurting too. I cry. And I give up
Should I stay to stay alive? or should I just leave this world?
All my life has always been like this. I have few friends but there are more toxic people around me. I’m being heartbroken by these people. They spread gossips, they backstab, they turn the truth the other way around, gathering more sympathy.  

My friends are busy in their own life. I don’t want to drag them down but seriously deep inside I am breaking or even my heart was shattered already.  I don’t know if I can still continue.

I am imperfect, I do have flaws and I’m not too good. I’m kind to my friends. But why are you like that? 

In every move I make, your eyes and mouth are prepared to destroy me. I’m sick of it. 

I wish those poisonous eyes, ears and mouth will be your downfall in the future. 

Sides of Me

Sides of Me

Just my typical nonsense.

This is me. This is what I am. I am still struggling in who I am and what should I be in this world. I haven’t found yet my own real purpose and even the person meant for me. But I do believe that along my way, I might find my purpose and the one. I might just need a little more patience. I’m still young and a lot more need to learn.