When I was younger, I had this first love. I might say that he was my “one that got away”.
I had this unexplainable feeling that I can really sense hin when he is near. I loved him that much that even my heart responds to him. My heart beats like a very nervous child but with a cheerful smile knowing that he is almost near me. It’s much more than a butterfly in your belly.
How I miss that feeling. When the heart speaks up to me. It beats irrationally to the one I love. I hope it beats soon so that I can meet the one for me.
Why are you like that?
Why am I always wrong in your eyes?
Why do you always pick on me?
I’m hurting too. I cry. And I give up
Should I stay to stay alive? or should I just leave this world?
All my life has always been like this. I have few friends but there are more toxic people around me. I’m being heartbroken by these people. They spread gossips, they backstab, they turn the truth the other way around, gathering more sympathy.
My friends are busy in their own life. I don’t want to drag them down but seriously deep inside I am breaking or even my heart was shattered already. I don’t know if I can still continue.
I am imperfect, I do have flaws and I’m not too good. I’m kind to my friends. But why are you like that?
In every move I make, your eyes and mouth are prepared to destroy me. I’m sick of it.
I wish those poisonous eyes, ears and mouth will be your downfall in the future.
Some people think that they are always right. Most of them blame their faults towards other people. Also issues became gossips because of them and never resolve. It’s sad that they have this kind of thinking. When will they grow up? When will they stop thinking that they are perfect?
Nobody is perfect. You have flaws, so do I. I may not be pretty nor gorgeous but still I do have feelings. I can tolerate all your teasing and bullying but hey I do cry and hurt too. You may see me laugh, and joke around but I’m very lonely. My one and only friend is too far away. My collegues have their own private lives to think about and so I don’t bother them much. Its sad to say that my friends whenever we see each other, we do catch up but why is it always I’m the laughing stock. Can’t I express myself too?
We all know the feeling of being lonely. The feeling of being left behind. When someone walks away from your life and never comeback. Painful isn’t it. But that pain gives us lesson. To never make the same decision that causes your heart to break. Like how much you longing your heart is. You need to love and find yourself first in order to love another. It is unfair if you aren’t ready while the other is deeply in love with you. Think about it. Put yourself in their shoes. With all the problems they had. Let the heart be the streng and not the other way around.
Just my typical nonsense.
This is me. This is what I am. I am still struggling in who I am and what should I be in this world. I haven’t found yet my own real purpose and even the person meant for me. But I do believe that along my way, I might find my purpose and the one. I might just need a little more patience. I’m still young and a lot more need to learn.